By Mia Vitug
What is always hindering me from achieving what I want? Fear. I am afraid of the unknown. I am very scared of making mistakes. I want everything to be perfect. When I make a little mistake, I would consider redoing everything and starting again. There are a lot of times that I feel that I want to redo my whole life, like be born again. Every little mistake I make, I feel like there would not be room for improvements.Being afraid hindered me a whole lot of times and I regret that I succumbed to it and never fought it until now. I have carefully planned out my life. It is just a matter of following those steps but life forged its own path that I never wanted and now, I know I am grateful for.
Things that are unplanned are usually the memorable ones. In my high school years, most of the planned gimmicks with my friends were called off. We found a pattern and we did our best to not plan things out to its every detail. I think those events were a foreshadowing of what my college life will be which is unexpected. I’m a transferee from another UP campus this school year. My first semester as a freshman was full of emotions. I know that I didn’t like the idea of living far away and I made sure that the message was clearly received by my family. At that time, I know deep down inside I was just afraid of what will be in store for me in that place. I blamed it on my family on whatever I have been facing. I know it is so selfish but I feel that when I accept the blame, I have also accepted my mistakes, which felt that I have failed. It is a very heavy burden but I was able to surpass it. What made me go through with that unplanned path is my family. They were the reason why I faced my fears and I am thankful that they were there for me. My family is the reason why I do these things like studying. I wanted to repay them for all their hard works and sacrifices. I would not have been able to learn new things without continuing through that journey. It opened me to the real world where independence is an essential part in order to succeed in life.
I have always been afraid to the point that I felt that there is something wrong with me. My life was full of fears that I was not able to enjoy the little things that make life bearable and amusing. I was always worrying on what life has to offer that I didn’t realize what opportunities I have left hanging. Everything changed when I entered college. I learned how to fully accept my fears and keep my calm. Without these fears, I would not have realized what I should be improving about myself. If I have the chance to change my life, I would not have it any other way.
Mia is an Echoes applicant. She transferred last semester to UP Diliman, from UP Baguio.