By Mia Vitug
I asked myself the same question all over and over again, “Am I ready for this?” I put into account what would my mother say, basically, everyone in my family would say and think about my decision. I was already settled to staying but it was a selfish decision. I know it was very selfish and bad and everything mean but I felt happy being away from my family. No one would make me do things I do not want to do. I was free and it felt really good. I felt relieved that I was able to talk about this with her, my roommate, someone who could understand and would not judge me. I was determined to stick to my decision. Then, she stood up and got Sky Flakes, offering it and said, “Gutom ka lang.” Right then I knew I was being stupid and she thought so too. She told me that what she usually does is look for a sign. It does not have to be something specific but when it appears, you will know that that’s what you are looking for. When she said this, I just thought that she was being too cheesy or something. I never really believed on signs. I thought it was childish. I applied to transfer to only one course. It is this or nothing, and because I just wanted to stay.
Summer went by with the usual things we do in summer. However, on May 3, we celebrate the feast of San Esteban. There were street dancing, parades and money from relatives! My lola did a different thing though. She gave me a fortune cookie. I opened it. This is just a gist of the message but basically, it wanted me to know that something will come my way and it is in me to decide whether I accept it or not. Next day, I got accepted as a transferee to SE. It was surreal. Since then, I started believing on the power of signs.
I do not fully make decisions based on the signs I see though. I see it as a push for me to do the things that I want to do but just scared to make the first step. I wanted to stay because I have already made connections and relationships. I did not want to break those bonds. I wanted to stay because I have already settled down. I do not want to undergo the transition stage all over again. I wanted to stay because I felt freedom. I was able to do everything I want. These may seem to make me happy but I realized that I forgot to take into consideration my top priority, my family. I was scared of change but knowing the reason why I am doing all these, I just thought, “Meh, I can definitely do it.”
I am not the person who is comfortable telling people about these certain moments in my life, but I am taking this chance to tell you something, even if it is just anonymously. I am not yet graduating but soon I will be and I want to say that it is scary out there but never let go of that purpose why you are doing this. It is what keeps me going and I know, whatever your goal may be, I know that your driving force will take you there.