Featured Image: Drake’s Album Att
An excerpt taken from the sixth book of the Old Testament of the OVO Bible, authored by the legendary 6 Prophet, Future Hendrix, in the year 1738 B.D. (Before Drake).
Greetings, mortals of the 6! As the humble messenger of our 6 God, I am duty-bound to reveal to all the story behind our world’s creation. In the distant past, our 6 God, who views over the 6, and views everyday, was constantly searching. This is the story of His search for the ultimate sneaker, which culminated in His victory over a dreadful nemesis, and the creation of a grand new world. This is the 6 God creation story.
In the beginning, everything was sneakers. Yes – sneakers. In an era when the entire cosmos was a dark amalgamation of matter and energy, sneakers were the world’s lifeblood. Each piece of footwear represented a portion of the matter that held the universe together. Put simply, sneakers allowed everything to exist. Each sneaker was unique, and carried a different amount of energy – in that age, no two sneakers were the same. They were also very rare, and could only be found in the darkest corners and spaces of the cosmos.
It was for this very reason that 6 God roamed the universe in search of these sneakers, keeping any that He came across in His sprawling 6 Palace. He loved the beauty and uniqueness of these sneakers, and at the same time wanted to maintain the universe’s balance by ensuring that they were not destroyed or used as weapons by evil beings. In particular, He sought out an item of tremendous power – the most that any sneaker in the universe can supply: the legendary “OVO X”. It is that which grants its wearer unlimited power – a beautiful sneaker boasting a pristine gold-and-white coloration. It’s beauty is deceptive, however – the amount of energy contained within it was almost too much for even our God to think about. Waaaaay up. It’s potential for destruction was ripe, had it fallen into the wrong hands. This is exactly the reason why 6 God – being the benevolent being that He is, aimed to acquire the elusive item for Himself, ensuring that it did not fall into the wrong hands.
However, 6 God also had His own personal motive for acquiring the shoe – He desired company. You see, before our world came to be, 6 God was a very lonely being. He had hoped to use the OVO’s power to create a beautiful world, filled with wonderful 6 men, women, and sneakers – a “6 planet”, so to speak. In this world, peace, love, and footwear would reign supreme. 6 God would watch over, and take care of it. He wanted to live in paradise, surrounded by the companions He would usher into existence – His own OVO Crew. He vowed to love them all dearly and give them an unlimited supply of sneakers to wear, letting them enjoy the perks of living in His world.
It is the norm for many great heroes to have a nemesis – a villain with callous intentions whose sole aim is to thwart the hero’s desires. 6 God, of course, is no exception to this rule. Enter Meek Mill – the evil black bathing ape, who lived in the dark, hellish dimension known to all as “Compton”. Do not be fooled by his moniker – Meek Mill is anything but meek. He was 6 God’s greatest enemy – an arrogant, despicable character, who wanted to collect to every sneaker in existence, and use their power to drown the universe in flames and horrible raps. He envisioned himself ruling at the very top of all existence with an iron fist. To this aim, Meek, too, sought the power of the OVO – so that he may use it to end 6 God’s life and mold the universe in his image, ushering in an age of eternal darkness.
It came as a great surprise to 6 God when Meek Mill called Him out to single combat on one fateful day, by way of a note left at the doorstep of His palace. “IF uR REaDNg DiZ, ITs 2 L8″(“If You’re Reading This, It’s Too Late”) , the note read. For all that Mill was not, one trait that 6 God felt epitomized him was the trait of cowardice. From all of their feuds, 6 God knew that Meek Mill was a pussy, who preferred to backhandedly strike out against the 6 God whenever they crossed paths. He had a habit of running away when a battle became too tough, and 6 God could no longer keep track of the amount of times He forced Mill to retreat from a fight over a certain sneaker. This led Him to scoff at Mill’s challenge, as He made his way to the place that Mill specified in his note – Compton.
6 God could never have imagined what came next. As soon as He arrived at the gateway of Meek Mill’s home, He saw the despicable monkey standing in wait, with his arms crossed. By all accounts, he was the same Meek Mill – the short, idiotic monkey. He looked exactly the same – except for the white, shining pieces of footwear he now donned on his feet.
“Impossible!” exclaimed 6 God, with a tone of disbelief.
“Gaze upon the mighty OVO’s, 6 God!” cried Mill, as he smirked and threw a piercing gaze at the 6 God.
“For centuries I have attempted to kill you, only to succumb to your power each time. Not anymore.”
“Am I high right now? I’ve never been this nervous!” 6 God exasperatingly replied.
“I’ve started from the bottom, and now I’m here on my worst behavior! You’ll be feeling no ways when I’m done with you.”
As soon as he was finished speaking, Mill instantly lunged towards 6 God’s throat, his knife missing its mark by a mere inch as 6 God haphazardly dodged the attack. For the first time, 6 God felt helpless, as if He could not take on the challenge He currently faced. Mill was simply too quick for Him, as he viciously barraged 6 God with a flurry of attacks, brimming with energy due to his OVO sneakers. Finally, 6 God was driven into a corner – a situation He never thought He would face in His life. Mill flashed a savage grin, and began to raise his weapon, aiming it down at 6 God’s heart.
“This is it, 6 God. Nothing will be the same.”
The knife came down with great force. However, at that moment, a miracle occurred. Right before Mill’s eyes, 6 God leapt upward, and emerged – a shining figure wearing really big rings. His regal armor was emblazoned with the almighty rectangular Supreme insignia, and it emitted a light bright enough to sear through any darkness. Meek Mill recoiled, and started to back up as 6 God stood tall and motioned towards him with a shining blade entrenched in his hand (the sword, of course, also carried the Supreme logo).
“This cannot be!” Shouted Meek, as he realized at that point that 6 God was simply unable to die – the higher powers that be deemed Him too important to all of existence.
“But it is. Take care, Meek. You’re the furthest thing from perfect. I’m just way too good for you, and the universe will thank me later for this.”
After saying this, 6 God, in one deft stroke, pounded Meek on the chest with his sturdy fist, sending him stumbling backwards. With His other hand, He lifted His blade, aiming it towards Mill’s chest.
“It’s over. There is no redemption.”
“What a time to be alive.” Meek sarcastically murmured, as the blade pierced his chest.
“I hit him baaaaaack to back!”, 6 God exhorted while dabbing in celebration, as He watched Meek Mill double over and fall to the ground, finally dead. In this way, He had achieved poetic justice. The 6 God felt blessed.
Afterwards, 6 God reached for the OVO sneakers, which lay before Mill’s lifeless body. He caressed them for a while, before meticulously putting them on, one shoe at a time. He then felt a surge of power – finally, He had claimed His prize. He could feel the energy – a lot of energy – coursing through Him, pulsing through His nerves and making His heart beat faster. He was charged up. Smiling, He returned to His palace and began to mold our world from an unnamed sneaker in His collection. He aptly named it the 6, creating everything in His image. The rest, as we know it, is history.
Today, we continue to pray to 6 God. He is always watching, and at the end of our lives, we must hope to be prepared to face Him, and join Him in His 6 Palace. As we live, let us run through the 6 with our woes, enjoying all that the mighty 6 God has provided. He is always there for us, and all we have to do is make His hotline bling whenever we may need His love. If we find ourselves suffering, let us remind ourselves to just hold on, because we’re all going home to Him someday. We owe everything to the 6 God. To Him be all the praise and glory. Amen.